benphase's blog

Something a little different this week - instead of the usual claptrap progress reports, we delve deep into the heart of the infamous and almost sarcastically named "MightyOrns Recovery Department". Enjoy.

Be Careful What You Wish For

A thin shaft of sunlight cuts through the darkness of the silent room, briefly illuminating the scene before even the mighty Sun loses its courage and ducks cowardly behind the barred window. You cannot, to be fair, blame it.

This will be the first of a few short entries documenting the status-quo at MightyOrns as they begin their first ever season in League V. To begin, we take a look at the new training regime.

Scoring: A Shameless Shortcut to Success

On Sunday night, with the players expectantly grouped around a tv monitor (all except injured midfielder Nils "The Hof" Hofmeyer, who was engaging in some "stamina training" with the curvy new secretary), the 'Orns finally got to see their new series, and take a look at the 7 teams that will be deadly rivals for the next 14 weeks.

After the out-of-control, over-the-top, gut-bustingly-jubilant celebrations that followed MightyOrns' promotion from VI.485 on Sunday, things have calmed down somewhat. The pitch has been relayed; the goal-posts reinstated from their previous position floating in a sea of ecstatic 'Orns fans; and the changing rooms cleaned and decontaminated (who would have thought champagne and polonium-220 would be such a volatile mix?).

With only two days to go until their vital promotion-deciding match against deadly rivals "Can I Get A Rewind!", 'Orns manager Benphase has confessed to fears that it will all get to much to bear.

The weekly press conference was a sorry affair, with the assembled media forced to wait over an hour until Benphase stumbled in, half-growth of stubble darkening his already-shadowed face, the faint smell of whiskey pervading the room despite attempts to mask it with copious amounts of after-shave.

Hi there.

This is the first entry of what will hopefully become a flourishing and successful blog. If, for any reason, it doesn't, please don't hold me responsible.

I'm Benphase.

My team is MightyOrns.

For those who want the details, Team ID = 59976, Current Series = VI.485 [in glorious England], and if all goes well, in 5 seasons I'll be in IV.

So Why MightyOrns?